Three elements of 'charismatic person' and practical way to acquire

ByMartin Fisch

When attracting and persuing people's heart, acquiring new connections, and trying to make something succeed, the "charisma" of individuals becomes important. Charisma is sometimes said to be born, but, in fact, understanding what charisma is is, it is possible to acquire it afterwards.

The 3 Elements of Charisma: Presence | The Art of Manliness

The 3 Elements of Charisma: Power | The Art of Manliness

The 3 Elements of Charisma: Warmth | The Art of Manliness

This is based on Olivia Fox Cabane's "The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism eBookInformation of "The Art of ManlinessIt is summarized by. Mr. Cabane says that the most important thing in charisma is "nonverbal behavior", and as its element is "To show certain existence to opponent"power"WarmthThree of them are cited.

◆ First element: show you the fact that you certainly exist

When thinking about what "charisma" is, the first thing that can be mentioned is "to show a certain existence to the other person."

Mr. Cabane mentioned as charismatic person, Tesla Motors andFounder of space X companyso,"Person of the year 2013" chosen by the English Guardian newspaperIt is also in the top 10Earlon maskMr. When he goes to a party, he does not talk to many people, but speaks towards a small number of people all his / her whole consciousness / whole existence. By doing this, the person who is facing Mr. Mask is strongly aware of his existence, and he feels that he is extraordinarily special. However, it is difficult to "indicate that it exists", and in the example of Mr. Mask, if it is "Furi" who is talking even if she is at a party venue, I will see through. Therefore, with strong intention, we need to direct our own attention to those who are in the surroundings.

This "showing your existence" is something that anyone can learn by some mind.

1: Bring your presence to "now" "here"


"Existence" begins in your mind. If fantasies and delusions are spreading in your mind while you are with someone, or if you think about something different, feel deep breathing and feet touching the ground, Please aim at consciousness about a few seconds on part of the body that you do not usually conscious. By doing this you can pull yourself back to "now" and "here", and you will be able to share your time with the people you are with.

2: I leave myself in a physically pleasant situation


"In the situation that trousers are painful because they do not fit," "You were short of sleep last night," you can not concentrate on your opponent in front of you. Please make clothes suitable for yourself, take enough sleep time, calm down by drinking coffee, moderately adjust the room temperature, and create an environment that is as physically pleasant as possible.

3: Set smartphone in silent mode and place it out of sight

ByHarith Hashim

This includes a strong message saying "I am not concentrating on you, so I will not use smartphones" to keep the temptation to touch smartphones when I'm with someone, There are two roles to tell. The "smartphone" part can be replaced with anything, such as mobile phones, cameras, tablets, notebook PCs.

4: Look at the other's eyes during a conversation

ByEmilio Küffer

Many past studies have revealed that "People who often make eye contact with people are taken to have favorable properties such as warmth, honesty, reliability, stable emotions". However, research results have been announced that eye contact works well on a trusted relationship, and persuasion fails if eye contact is made to a person who is skeptical.

As an alternative to eye contact, it is also effective to nod to the story you are listening to. However, if the number of nods is too great, you may feel that the other party is not understood, so be careful. You need to hear the story of the other person and nod it properly.

5: Ask clearly

BySean dreilinger

In the method of indicating existence, it is rather easy to ask questions "after the opponent speaks". For example, "I was saying this, but what does that mean?" And "I have interpreted this story this way, but are you on? If it is a casual conversation, you can also ask "Which part do you like?" "Where did you struggle?" OK. People will be willing to answer questions.

6: Do not mess


If you are squirming or squatting, the other party feels as if you feel that you are uncomfortable or not. Do not mess around with your smartphone or pay attention to other events. These signals impress your opponent that you are looking for a better situation than it is now.

7: I do not think what to answer while the other party is speaking

ByFreddie Alequin

This is one of the things that I often do, but I am thinking about what you say while you are talking about that you have not heard the story of the other person. It is not very high-grade practice to say "Let's stop talking as much as possible and let silence go away".

8: Wait 2 seconds before answering

ByAmanda tipton

Stopping stopping thinking what you say while you are talking and concentrating on listening will put a small pause in nature and conversation. Since nonverbal behavior has stronger power than linguistic behavior, it is important to first express your emotions in your face during conversation, that you are drawn into the other's story, Please indicate that there is. Then we will reply with a small pause of 2 seconds. As a flow, "the opponent finishes talking", "your expression shows that it is drawn into the story of the other person", "you tell the reaction to the story with expression," and "I will reply".

◆ Second Element: Power

People with charisma are powerful. However, this powerfulness is not a meaning like "the commander of a free world" or "the president of a multinational company", but it refers to the small power that influences the people around him.

Powerful people accomplish things, otherwise it gives people the impression of "doing things". The charisma's characteristics attract people like a magnet and make a circle around himself, but its core is its power. This is a very primitive appeal, whether or not our hunting will succeed long ago reigned at the top of the hierarchy, depending on whether we can get along with dogs that provide protection and food. Therefore, our brain has recognized the gestures and expressions (body language) showing power, evolved to find powerful people and gather under such people. The time has evolved and hunting has gone by, but still surprising people gather around people with power. And without having to survive survival, we can get bigger opportunities under powerful people.

When trying to attract a person like a magnet, the three characteristics of the charisma must be skillfully combined. For example, taking into consideration the opponent in front of you, even if you are treated as a friendly personality, if you do not have the power you will only be considered "at least" a nice guy or at the worst "a person who calls for someone's help" There is also. You may not want to hear, but the power of "existence" and the third element "warmth" that comes after this depends on your own power that people perceive.


Many people are pleased that they have been praised by the CEO when "I was able to do a good presentation and I was praised by my colleagues and the CEO." This is because people who become CEOs have power.

However, when there is no "warmth" or "existence", "power" kills charisma. A person without these two elements can be an impressive and important person, but it will be reflected as a cool-hearted, arrogant and strange person for the surrounding people.

Three elements of "warmth" "existence" "power" must be in harmony.

It sounds difficult to have power, but in fact there is no need to become a billionaire, you do not need to become a pope. Just give the impression that you have the power to the opponent. Until you actually have power, you can simply just pretend. People will recognize you as a charismatic power person, invite you, you can get the power of the real world there. In this charismatic cycle you will be more powerful and will lead to greater success as a person with power.

Here, how can we increase the charismatic nature of "power"? There are several ways.

1: to be confident

ByWorld Economic Forum

Power first starts in the head. If you can feel confident and powerful yourself, people around you should feel it. Confidence gives you an uncomfortable atmosphere and people will want to know more about you. And the core of self-confidence is "mastery". If you are proficient in something, experts will focus on you as a resource and a persistent person who has deeply incorporated things into things. To master something fundamentally changes how people feel and how to hold them.

2: Know a lot of things little by little


In addition to knowledge of specialized fields, we should try to learn as much as possible. Intelligence is the key to influence the surroundings. If you can confidently participate in more conversations, you will be reflected as intelligent people to people. How do you get knowledge? Although it may be interesting in the point that it is interesting, please read the book and read and read it, anyway.

3: Train the body


Body and appearance are one of the things one sees when people meet with you, a firm physical body shows strength, ability, control power and the strength of protection power.Wall Street JournalReported a survey result that "thinner men have less income than the average male for $ 8437 (about 870,000 yen)", and in one study, men with high incomes average 207 pounds ( About 94 kg), it is said that it was a body type that was frustrating and it is said that the solid body tends to be associated with a realistic status as well.

4: Choose what to wear

ByRachel a. K.

For example, when you see a person wearing a number of ribbons on the chest and a military uniform wearing a lot of star badges on the shoulder, we have the impression of "authority". Many studies in the past have already indicated, but those who wear clothes that understand the height of the position have influence on the surrounding people. For example, even if a person with a shabby appearance crosses the red light, no one continues, but people wearing a tailorable suit crosses the red light, people will follow it, and so on.

It is also possible to not only show power to others, but also to feel that they are powerful and confident about themselves, depending on the clothes they are wearing. And if you can feel powerful, people can behave more powerfully.

If you say choosing what to wear, you may think that you can not do it in a single morning as you need money or sense, but you do not have to buy a good suit of anything designer. For example, instead of T-shirts it is good to start with even now, such as wearing a button-down style shirt, wearing leather boots, or wearing a jacket or coat that depicts a more masculine or feminine silhouette. With a little ingenuity people become more powerful appearances.

5: It will be like a big gorilla

ByAdrien Sifre

After choosing what to wear, body language will become more important next time. According to Deborah Gruenfeld, who studies organizational behavior, "Powerful people sitting sideways on a chair and putting relaxed arms on the backrest, or sitting in a space for two seats and placing arms on the next chair, and desks I will put my feet on top of it and sit on the desk. " In this way, I will describe Cabane as "big gorilla", behaving like taking space to others.

As an exercise acting like a "big gorilla", it is effective to prune people using body language in crowded places. Like a real gorilla, stretch your chest straight and stand straight and, when you start walking, please see if people get out of the way you walk. This behavior is uncomfortable and may seem strange, but it is a good exercise to see the effect of body language. If you encounter someone, please tell your opponent thinking that it is a good opportunity to communicate warmth and kindness by apology and make you feel better.

6: Take a pose with power

ByBrittney Bush Bollay

The method "behaving like a gorilla" relates to "power pose". Power poses are those that effectively communicate power to opponents using attitudes and attitudes. The most famous power pose is to lightly bend both arms and hold hands on the waist, and this pose is taken by a super hero often in fiction.

Another example is the power pose of the chair while turning his arm to the back of his head. Also, if you want to show power to the person in the meeting at the meeting, stand up and tilt your body forward and place your hand on the desk in front of you. With this, the power pose is completed simply.

ByVictor 1558

The last power pose is to raise both hands in the air just like winning the game right now. However, this is a difficult pose to incorporate into daily life.

The interesting part of these poses is that people who just posed do not look powerful from the point of view of others, but feel that they are powerful. In one study, just taking a power pose for 2 minutes, it is a type of male hormonetestosteroneIs rising and is a stress hormoneCortisolHas come down, people have confidence and are in a condition that they do not feel much stress. And by feeling confident you will be able to behave more powerfully.

Harvard UniversityPresentation of TED made by Professor Amy CuddyHe explained the effect of the power pose very well.

7: Managing the environment


People are confident and able to become powerful in familiar surroundings. Familiarity gains people a sense of control, which makes us feel confident. There may be a dispute over the place to negotiate before negotiating, but this is because familiar home grounds work better.

If you have to act confidently in the place you visited for the first time, as a way to control the place, for example, you can sit on a table at a restaurant, change the position of a salt holder or glass on the desk It is cited. Although it may sound ridiculous, it is possible to speak of "to yourself" that you are controlling the spot against your subconscious by such a process. And you will be able to confidently behave and you will be able to attract people. Running this method on a daily basis witnesses an amazing effect.

8: Talk slowly with fewer words

ByTim Norris

Powerful people take up more space not only in physical space but also in conversation, but this does not mean they speak fluently. Powerful people tend to have fewer words than people with lower status. By reducing the number of words, we make communication more valuable.

Also, powerful people are not afraid of the silence during conversation as awkward, enjoying the silence. They know that people will become nervous to fill silence. On the contrary, by putting short and uncomfortable silence in the conversation, we will give up on opponent and draw useful information. The reason why the questioner gets silent due to an interview when getting a job is because you can know exactly the vulnerability of the opponent.

And another way to take up space in the conversation is "to speak slowly". Speaking quickly tells your opponent your nervousness and anxiety, and speaking slowly to the contrary makes it possible for people to embody intelligence, discretion, calmness. An actor'sMichael CaineAs for this point, "As a general thing, people talking about powerful people are relaxed, people who tinkish with somebody are fast-paced, as long as they do not hear their stories Because it does not do it. "

9: Stable

ByJim Servies

Powerful people calm the surrounding people. They are stable, refined and have tranquility. I do not give too much nodding, do not make a soap, do not give us a reasonable reply such as "erh" or "hmm". When you encounter someone next, please touch it as naturally as possible, in a stationary state. Sometimes I nodded to show that I was listening, but I nodded too much, not manipulating my hands or accustoming my legs to face a person.

◆ Third element: warmth

"Being in existence certainly" Following "power", the third element is "warmth".

What is "warmth"? That is, it is a cocoa handed out by a mother when she gets home after playing in the snowy garden, it is a hand that will let her drink a medicine when I catch a cold, in a test It is a powerful arm of a father who embraces me when I take a good point. The warmth that we have in the childhood as a matter is what separates when people grow and become independent. But we hope to be attracted and accepted by someone else in our hearts and therefore we will be familiar with people with "warmth" and will transfer emotions.

"Warmth" does not have the true power to attract people alone by itself, but it is an indispensable existence that balances the elements such as "exist indeed" and "power". People with no warmth and only power are taken cold and arrogantly, on the contrary it is weak if there is no power and only warmth, they are anxious to be pleased with their opponent and they are desperate to get consent .

"The fact that it exists" "Power" "Warmth" is the most difficult thing is "warmth". Fake warmth is easily broken by people, and people will quickly leave as soon as you realize that warmth is fake.

In addition, the warmth that assumes the return from the opponent goes backfired. This is the reason why salesmen who show warmth trying to make a transaction succeed are disliked.

To realize true warmth, something beyond selfish motivation is necessary. I am satisfied with my life, I am interested in other people, sympathize with the other person from the bottom of my heart, enjoy meeting people of all occupations, even those who do not have what I want It is good to tell people that it was nice. It is a person with true warmth that does not feel "meaningless" even for just mistaken people.

The "warm behavior" necessary for really attracting people is born from a genuine good heart. Therefore, the charismatic warmth begins with the core "human heart".

· How to grow inner warmth

ByYoshiko 314

There are two main ways to raise the inner warmth.

First of all, show your heart of appreciation. As many studies show, those who show appreciation from day to day tend to be more optimistic and happier than those who do not. Please write out what you are grateful for every day in order to create appreciation.

Another way is to cultivate a sympathetic mind. Teddy Roosevelt calls empathy as "fellow consciousness" and makes it an important element for people to lead a politically and socially healthy life. Many people wish to understand themselves. Sympathy is a way to think from such a standpoint, to feel what they feel, and it becomes a very important factor for charismatic warmth.

However, it is not easy to develop empathy. It is easy to see sad ironic feelings for human beings by watching rude actions of others in public places, seeing comments that have hurt feelings on YouTube. However, there are some ways to relieve that sarcastic thought and foster a sympathy for humanity as a friend. For example, imagining that they had brothers like theirs, imagining that they actually faced them, reading fictional works such as novels, imagining that there was something wrong with the act of annoying people , And trying to find out about themselves.

If you cultivate sympathy, you will want to realize what difficulties they have in their lives and want to be kind to them.

However, even if you grow a good heart inside, it makes no sense unless you can tell a kind heart to others. I am trying to behave kindly and sometimes I do not realize that I am cold to others. It is important not only to nurture a good heart but also to touch people around you with warmth.

You can also feel warmth inside yourself by doing warm behavior. By acting warmly to others, my heart gets warmer, and it creates a cycle of warmth behaving to others. It is important not to act warmly after sympathizing with the partner, but to take action first. If you feel like taking action before you feel warm inside yourself, do not worry, like "warm prey". Actions born of good motivation in the mind should work.

So, the way to practice "warm behavior" that creates a charismatic cycle is from the following.

01: behave like inviting them to home

ByHeiwa 4126

If you invite someone to the house, the invited people will find a way they can relax. Just like that, please behave as if you are an organizer of a party by interaction with everyone. If you do that kind of thinking you should know what you should do for those in front of you.

02: Send a heartfelt compliment

ByBrendan Riley

There is nothing more effective than a heartfelt compliment as to strengthen a good relationship more or melt the ice of the heart of a person who is not a very good relationship. Sadly, we tend not to use gentle words much. It is important to learn "why" and "how" you can send effective compliments.

03: to give a warm voice


Emotions are transmitted not only from the contents to talk but also from high and low of voice and tone etc. Anger is a loud voice and a rough tone, and gentleness is emitted with a soft, warm voice. An easy way to add warmth to your voice is to smile when you speak. This demonstrates the effect of cum shot by conversation at the time of telephone which can not convey emotions with body language or facial expressions.

04: Mirror speech

ByHelga Weber

Survey results show that the other person trusts himself and thinks more attractive if he imitates the body language of the opponent and the habit of speaking. The point in doing this mirror talking method is that it is not overly obvious. Rather than mimic all actions, act yourselves discreetly, such as if your opponent talks softly, you also suppress a little voice, and if you lean on a chair you will lean a little more. As an approach from another direction, there is also a way to imitate actions with a slight delay in timing.

However, if you run a mirror talking method against an angry partner, you need to be more careful as the opponent gets more angry. For angry partners, it is also useful to distract yourself by giving something such as paper or pen, but these techniques are influenced by the skill of the person performing and are not absolute.

05: Take a posture that can be relaxed


Upright posture shows power and self-confidence, but it also makes you look cold and arrogant to that extent. When you are going to put out warmth, do not stretch your shoulder and stretch your chest, take down your shoulders and make your chest naturally take a comfortable position. It is not like a king but it shows to a friendly person and easy to talk to.

06: Open your body

ByRamesh Rasaiyan

In addition to taking a relaxed posture, "Open Body Language" makes it possible to communicate with the surrounding people with greater warmth. Instead of putting your arms around in front of your body, I will hold my arm next to my body and open it instead of pairing my legs. Rather than talking over the table, let's talk with the other person by removing obstacles.

07: Turn your eyes on your partner


There is a thing called "gentle eyes". A woman met in a high school age like a wild beast who was over 350 pounds (about 160 kg) or more in weight even though he was in his 50's and was likely to get torn as a light head of a human head. However, regardless of such appearance he has gentle eyes, even though she was depressed as though the end of the world had visited, it seems that everything will be fine when looked into his eyes He told me he felt something.

The eyes are the windows of the soul and the gentle eyes are born of a good heart. However, if you want to make your gaze more gentle, please soften the focus. Rather than narrow your eyes and stare at your opponent, you will find it easier to realize "gentle eyes" by relaxing your eyes and seeing your opponent.

08: Smile

ByD. Sharon Pruitt

A smile not only gives a warm impression to the opponent, but also creates a charismatic cycle in which you can feel warmth and you can become warmer to people. According to research, even if you do not actually feel happiness, people will feel happy by laughing. It is also possible to show that you are a person who has good intentions by smiling, is more friendly, attractive person. If you want to take a warm attitude, please try to smile with nice first.

09: Predicting the needs of the partner

ByKlodiana alia

Even if the other party does not mention it, I will anticipate the needs of the partner and give what I want. "I thought it was necessary for a presentation tomorrow, I made a graph," "It's getting colder, but will you wear this jacket?"

10: Pass a drink that can be warm

ByMelina Souza

A hot drink will heat people. By giving warm cocoa and coffee, you can use warm psychological effects to make your partner 's attitude towards yourself warm. This may be the reason why the coffee shop is used for the first date and negotiation.

11: Shake hands

ByJeff Bauche

Touching your body is one way to create warmth for someone. Respecting the personal space, it is difficult to touch the other party immediately after meeting, but if you shake hands you can take contact with skin and skin. Furthermore, when you want to increase the effect of handshake, please extend the index finger to your opponent's wrist. According to experts, when putting your finger on the pulse when shaking hands, people seem to feel more connected with their opponent.

12: give the opportunity to tell myself the efforts they have done

ByRonald Hogenboom

People want people to know that they were in difficult circumstances, but it is not polite to describe them in detail from themselves. When someone came aboard the plane, please ask questions to make them easier to talk such as "did not get up early to catch the airplane? Did the airflow not get disturbed?

13: Improve your partner's comfort

ByE. L. A

We appreciate those who save us from uncomfortable feeling. One of the best ways to show warmth is to introduce your opponent to the person you are with and put them in the circle of the conversation. And we will chat chat and make it easy to get into conversation. People will feel comfortable and comfortable if they can grasp the people who can continue the conversation.

14: I remember dates and anniversaries and their details

ByGregory Roth

Just remembering your birthday, your relationship with people will surprisingly go well. This means not sending messages on Facebook with a lot of people and actually sending mails and cards, not only celebrating your birthday but also asking for yourself. Not only for birthdays but for other anniversaries as well.

15: Pass a thoughtful gift


It is OK if the gift need not be big and you can show that you are paying attention to the other party. If someone shows something you like or interested, I will keep it in mind. "You said you were collecting vintage men 's magazines, listening to your words that I bought them at the garage sale while watching these magazines lined up in a box full of boxes, You will be delighted.

16: Take care

ByAndy Le

If you can take on the problem someone has, please do so. If you do not know the answers to the questions they have, if you do not know "I do not know, but I will think," if you can help with the problems they have, please lend me a hand.

It is necessary to remember that "it is not easy to convey warmth", but if you have time and expertise, please do what you can to eliminate worry from their heads.

17: Ask for help


What generates warmth includes not only helping others but also helping themselves.

Our brain does not like the disagreement between thinking and actual action. Therefore, "doing favorable actions to disgusted people" brings discordance to the brain, and the brain "I like this person surely because I did something good for this person" I will shift my mind towards the action I took on the.

When you want people's feelings to be warm, it is also effective to do something small asking.

18: Do not spare your thank-you card

ByCapture Of Dreams

Even if the other party is not there, it is possible to express our warmth with gratitude. I send a thank you card. There is no bad timing to write a gratitude. The thank-you card shows that you have noticed that the other party has done something worthwhile or is a valued person and took the time to show it. Write cards with your own hands and warmth in the envelope.

in Note, Posted by darkhorse_log