Apr 02, 2023 20:00:00

How to distinguish between healthy narcissism and pathological narcissism?

Self-esteem is important for everyone, but narcissism that is too self-centered is annoying to others and can be painful for the person himself/herself. April Nisan Ilkmen of Adler University in the United States, a therapist who specializes in love and relationship issues and who has worked with many couples who suffer from

narcissistic personality disorder and its tendencies, explains the self-love that everyone has. I explained how to recognize pathological narcissism and how to interact with people who tend to be narcissistic.

A little bit of narcissism is normal and healthy – here's how to tell when it becomes pathological
https://theconversation.com/a-little-bit-of-narcissism-is-normal-and-healthy-heres-how-to-tell-when-it-becomes-pathological-199069

When we say narcissism in one word, there are normal and abnormal. Normal narcissism refers to a consistent sense of self for the greater good, including a healthy sense of pride in oneself and one's career.

All of us have some degree of narcissism like this. As a result, many people are able to show empathy and compassion for others while maintaining a strong sense of self-confidence and entitlement. For example, in a 2016

paper on healthy narcissism, researchers wrote, 'healthy narcissism occurs at an unconscious level in everyday life and helps people improve themselves and progress in life.' It helps motivate me to try,” he said.

However, when you seek too much attention and approval in your pursuit of profit and overestimate yourself, it's no longer healthy narcissism. People whose narcissism reaches a pathological level come to see others as extensions of themselves, so those involved in the narcissist's life, especially those closest to them, must always behave perfectly in order to contribute to the narcissist's self-image. must be

Thus, pathological narcissists, like many other personality disorders, go through cycles of

idealization and devaluation with those they are close to, creating so-called 'toxic relationships.'

People with pathological narcissism choose partners based on whether or not they affirm their self-important self-esteem. And because getting that affirmation drives their relationships, narcissists are generally not interested in others.

Of such relationships, Ilkmen said, ``It's not the characteristics of the person that attracts the narcissist, nor the connections that the relationship creates. 'They push to deepen the relationship, but unfortunately, the narcissist's interest in the other person is so superficial that they can suddenly lose interest.'

“Narcissistic abuse,” or the abuse of those closest to us by pathological narcissists, is often insidious and hidden, so it is important to characterize it. Ilkmen categorized the characteristics of narcissistic abuse into three categories:

◆ Gaslighting
Narcissists often use psychological abuse known as

gaslighting , which makes victims question their judgment and ability to act. Gaslighting can make victims feel suspicious and anxious, making it difficult for them to realize they are being gaslighted. Also, a codependent relationship may develop between the victim and the narcissist, and the victim may accept that the narcissist is above them.

◆ Victim awareness
This is a thought often seen in people with narcissistic personality disorder, thinking that ``everyone is inferior to themselves.'' During her career as a counselor, Ilkmen said, narcissists often fantasize that they've been mistreated by others and haven't gotten what they deserve in life. have often witnessed. These fantasies lead narcissists to believe they have a legitimate right to hold anger and resentment toward others, especially those who are perceived to be successful.

◆ Cycle of idealization and devaluation
Relationships for narcissists are polar opposites. First, idealization leads the narcissist to accept the victim all the way and to see an inseparable connection with the other person. However, when the narcissist suddenly becomes disappointed in the other person, devaluation occurs, denying everything. The narcissist then sees the victim as flawed and not the perfect partner he deserves. This stage is characterized by verbal abuse, physical violence, insults, bullying, and slander.

Narcissists also often develop controlling and manipulative relationships with the victim's friends and family, making it difficult for the victim to seek help from those close to them. Helping victims often begins with finding a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse.

“In my experience, narcissistic partners are the most difficult to treat,” says Ilkmen. 'Unwilling to participate. Couples therapy with two people is rare, if not impossible, and only happens when the narcissist realizes that their expectations are unreasonable.' and pointed out the depth of unhealthy narcissism.