Four points to hold to become a good listener
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“Listening to people” seems to be easy and difficult. Even if you sympathize with the story, you will be asked, 'Is you really listening?' . Psychologist Jade U Savi talks about four points to become a “listening” listening to the story without angering the other party.
How to Be a Good Listener-4 Therapist's Secrets
https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/relationships/friendships/secrets-good-listener
◆ 1: Repeat opponent's words
The first thing you should do as a listener is to repeat what the other person said. Repeating the opponent's words is like a robot, and it may seem strange at first glance, but “the opponent won't notice,” says Savi.
For example, if a friend says, “It ’s the worst because your roommate has been collecting dishes in the sink for 3 days!” Or “Is there a pile of dishes in the sink?” Or “Is there a table in the sink for 3 days?” Answer 'Is it like ~' or 'Is it?' Mr. Savi says that the goal is not to 'become a parrot' but 'to indicate in words that he is listening, interested in the other party, and understanding the story.'
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◆ 2: Ask questions, not answers
Mr. Savy said the speaker was most likely to need empathy and not ask the listener to solve the problem. When someone comes to you with a consultation, it's not a good idea to show reasoning skills and problem solving skills. Ask a few questions and pull out what the other person wants to talk about.
For example, when the other party asks, “A lover who broke up six weeks ago got married to a different person”, ask “What kind of person did you marry?” “How did you know your marriage?” By drawing out the problems that the other party has, Savi says, it is possible to explore the direction of what kind of support should ultimately be provided.
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◆ 3: If you do not agree, check the speaker's feelings
Mr. Savi says that empathy is important in listening to the story, but 'if the other person may be wrong, you shouldn't give up on it.' If the other person's idea is wrong, start by affirming the other person's feelings instead of just thinking and agreeing.
For example, if your partner says 'I'm angry because everyone in the workplace is approaching me,' you might want to say 'Is it just a delusion?' It may be a word for peace of mind, but it will neglect the feelings of the other party. Regardless of whether the other party's language is delusional, it is true that the other party's dissatisfaction is genuine.
What you can do in this case is to check your feelings first. First tell the other person that you understand your feelings, 'I know you get angry.' If you take the time and ask the key questions, you may be able to calm your opponent. However, unless you have a good understanding of your emotions, it will be difficult to get the opportunity to ask questions.
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◆ 4: Refrain from requesting advice
The speaker needs empathy first and foremost, but when you explicitly ask for advice, say `` Tell me what to do '', you can finally say what you think .
If the other party does not ask for advice, repeat steps 1 to 3 to build understanding and trust with the other party. If your partner is ignoring or suspicious of your opinion, or feels that you value your thoughts rather than your opinion, they will not hear your advice. “If you have helpful advice for others, focus on listening actively before telling them,” says Savi.
By Pressmaster
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