Why will you keep choosing lovers who are not compatible? A psychologist comment on the solution

According to Ellen Hendriksen, a psychologist, a person who has broken up with a boyfriend who is not compatible with a girlfriend, tends to choose a person with similar characteristics for the next lover. Therefore, Hendricksen explains how you can eliminate the habit of choosing a bad lover as a partner.

Why We Choose Ill-Matched Romantic Partners (And How to Stop)
https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/relationships/romance/why-we-choose-ill-matched-romantic-partners-and-how-to-stop

According to Mr. Hendriksen, people tend to feel consistent desire for consistency rather than choosing happiness. If a person who has been blessed with parents' affection and has been able to live in a healthy environment, there is a tendency for partners to choose similar persons and it is easy to build good relationships.

In contrast, if the rules in the home are quite severe, or if the environment is not so blessed that parents abandoned raising children without being affectioned by their parents, it seems that there is a strong tendency to choose partners with similar circumstances. And it often happens that they collide with each other after companion, and it is easy to build relations.

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In addition, even though I have failed in selecting a partner once again, why would you choose a similar partner again, it seems to be caused by thinking that a bad relationship is an opportunity to "redo" a bad relationship is.

Mr. Hendriksen said, "It is clearly wrong to choose people of the same type, it is clearly wrong," Such people feel that the cause of failure is their own mistake in control It is said that the tendency to tend to be strong, and, bizarrely, the feeling of "hope" is born. It seems that this sense of hope is to think positively "If it makes more efforts, it will work," and selects a person similar to the previous partner.

Therefore, Mr. Hendriksen introduces five tips for not choosing a bad partner.

1.Thunk costIgnore
Currently he sticks to relationships with bad partners, and the more invested in partners, the more difficult it is to break up. However, no matter how hard you try, it is difficult to completely change the human nature, and it is difficult to recover the effort that you have made. Therefore, if there is no prospect of improving the relationship with partners at all in a short period of time, it is recommended to break up immediately even if the wasted cost is wasteful.

ByCalvin Chu

2. There is no dramatic element for a good relationship
According to a person who parted from a bad partner in the past and succeeded in finding a good partner said, "A good relationship is flat but I never felt bored." Mr. Hendriksen said that feeling like this is a matter of course, and in a good relationship, unless the partner suddenly disappears for about a week or there is no hole in the wall, each other's I do not worry about peeping at the phone or being cheating on.

Hendricksen explains that this is because partners are each other fans of each other, so it is possible to share fun time by supporting each other. It also points out that drama nature does not exist in a good relationship because it is said that love should not seek violence.

ByEvo Flash

3. Observe good relationships
In order to know what kind of person is a good partner, it seems to be important to take a closer look at the relationships of people they trust. For example, you notice a mistake in a document at work and point out that you have to fix it as soon as possible. Then, although the person pointed out will start the revision work, that person should stop the work which should be done originally. At this time, in order to cover that person's mistake, a person with an assistant role moves and starts both his own work and the work that the person should do.

It seems that there is no merit for a person with an assistant role, but because I am proud of the success of the partner, I am dealing with such a correspondence, so in considering the ideal partner image, for reference It seems to be.

ByUniversity of Salford Press Office

4. Think about what you need
When choosing a normal partner, "goodness of compatibility" is the decision point. However, if the partner selection criteria are going wrong, you should not know what to choose as a criterion.

For this reason, we need to firmly think "what you really need" rather than "characteristics of past partners" that you can easily attract. According to Mr. Hendriksen, "Most people tend to be seeking" integrity "for their partners.This tendency is not worrying whatever they are doing, seeking a gentle watch over people It may be there. "

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5. Do not consider compatibility when looking for partners
Once you fail in partner selection, it is expected that it will be difficult to choose the next best partner. According to Mr. Hendriksen, "I think it makes it easier to understand with food," and if it is people who tend to like donut jelly, it seems to be better to choose healthier ingredients. It explains that it will be possible to select a better partner in the same way that taste will like healthy things.

Mr. Hendriksen says, "Choosing a healthy thing here means that you have to choose something you do not like at the moment, so even if you do not like it you need to try it once. That does not mean that you do not have to go out with people who do not feel attractive without having anything in common with just being economically stable. "

Without considering compatibility, it is unnatural and misunderstood that you go out with people. However, for those who repeat relationships with bad partners, it is a good approach to finding the best partner.