What are the six ways to objectively take criticism against you without regarding it as a personal attack?

byGiorgio Montersino

A moderate criticism from the surroundings is useful for reconsidering ourselves and bringing the present situation to a better direction, but sometimes it is sometimes depressed by thinking "I can not do anything". Ellen Hendriksen, a psychologist, explains about how to deal with such criticism well, "how to criticize objectively without regard to criticism as a personal attack on you".

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When we receive criticism it is difficult to easily pass away it as water flows. If you receive criticism hypersensitive as a personal problem, you may take an offensive attitude towards the surroundings or defeat teamwork, trying to defend yourself. Everyone wants to have a strong heart that can not be criticized, but what exactly should I do? Regarding that, Hendriksen says, "There is a way to change the way of thinking for others, and a way to change your own way of thinking. Either one is practical, but since you are the only person you can directly work with, We should move in the direction to change ourselves. "

◆ 1: Think about who you criticize
"For example, when you try to drink water, you probably want to drink water from a beautiful mountain spring, will you think to drink dirty water flowing in the dub?" I added to myself We should think about who the criticism was directed from, "he says Hendriksen.

It may be beneficial to face criticism even in painful work if the concerned criticism is directed at your precious family, friends, people you can respect. But, if it takes a critical attitude towards anyone and is directed by a person with problems in personality, it may be judged that the need to take seriously is low. When criticized, first think about "who is criticizing", then judge whether to criticize the criticism firmly in the head, or not to discard if it is not a big deal I am recommending Hendriksen.

◆ 2: Decide when to criticize
The criticisms are really cases where the criticism is truly correct and in some cases it is a misunderstanding criticism. Humans are never perfect, anyone can make mistakes, but if the same critic has added wrong criticisms over and over again and apologizes, it is considered that person's "pattern" I do not mind that I do not mind.

If it was the first time that I was criticized for misplaced, it would be good to think that "I may have been non-minded". The second time is still acceptable. However, if you add three pointless criticisms to you, you should ignore that partner or restrict contact. It is impossible to completely ignore it if you have a job tie, but you need to draw some boundaries.

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◆ 3: Stop getting angry with "He is not quite right!"
In criticism, there are also types that criticize for events that have not yet happened, "Watch out for things not to get bad" and "Do not do it". On the contrary it is easy to get angry with "he is not qualified to say such a thing", but it's just a matter of getting into stress.

"It's troublesome to be careful that you are not doing anything the same as a person who says to have you lead of a sitting dog and say" Do not let the dog run away " However, there is no choice for what has been told once, let's not get angry about it, let's fix it peacefully, "Hendriksen said.

◆ 4: I will abandon perfectionism
People who are overly sensitive to criticism are said to be perfectionists in many cases. When criticisms are added to the work that such people have devoted so hard, I feel that all the efforts have been blown away. However, Mr. Hendriksen says that criticism is never attributable to the effort so far and should be regarded as a beneficial thing that enhances his work better.

Hendriksen shows an understanding also of the difficulty of perfectionists withdrawing perfectionism and loosening the strict buttons that tighten themselves. "To accept all the criticisms suddenly it will be difficult to throw away the perfectionist at once, slowly, loosen the button of perfectionism, and if you receive criticism overcome that criticism, in a positive Let's set a higher goal and you can overcome criticism by achieving new goals. "

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◆ 5: When remembering the past do not lie in memory
We replayed what happened when we received criticism in the brain and sometimes think that "I should have done it, I should have done this." This method has an effective aspect, there is also a treatment program that causes traumatic patients to regenerate trauma scenes in the brain and overcome them. However, in the memory it is said that you should not conceive and satisfy the scene "to turn back to the opponent who has added criticism".

"This is related to the narcissism that people have, but revening the opponent in the image does not bring any benefit," Hendriksen warns. When replaying the memory of criticism, it is no problem if it is to think about the coping method to be connected next time. However, it would be better to stop replaying memory only to overturn and rule over to your opponent in your head.

◆ 6: Determine a reasonable balance between personal and non-personal
For all criticisms it is certainly a simple remedy to truncate "such things have no relation to their individuals". However, it is a matter of separating everything about my work from myself and being too irresponsible as "it is only a job done to get salaries after all." It does not produce good results.

Hendriksen said, "Personally capturing criticism is evidence that you are face-to-face with others by yourself. If you are non-personal contacting work, value for your work is born I do not think that you should have a sense of responsibility enough for your work and find a reasonable balance that does not feel too stressful. "