Half of those who think you are friends do not think you are friends
The research found out that the relationship he considers as "friendship", about half that the partner thinks is "friendship" is about half. In other words, if you follow this content, half of those who think that you are "friends" do not consider themselves to be friends, and even those who do not think that you are friends That some people think that they are friends. Why such a difference in recognition occurs, what is "friendship" in the first place? About The New York Times is summarized.
Do Your Friends Actually Like You? - The New York Times
About the findings that "half of those who think that you are friends do not think you are a friend", "As for the gap between people's perceptions and actual friendships, humans are basically optimistic There are researchers who assert that "there is a difference in recognition depending on generation because the word" to become a friend "is used in SNS world We invited a big discussion with the researchers who will do.
Study published in March 2016I asked 84 subjects from 23 to 38 who take business management classes to evaluate each other in five stages from "unknown" to "one of best friends" . As a result, 94% of people recognize that "Friendship is both thoughts", while it turns out that the proportion which actually is both thoughts is 53%. A similar survey has been conducted several times in the past 10 years, and in the survey targeting 92,000 people, since there is a result that friendship is both feelings of 34 to 53%, the latest survey and It means that the results of past investigation are consistent.
Professor Alexander Nehamas, a philosopher at Princeton University said, "It is more difficult to explain friendship in words," it is easier to talk about "what is not friendship", it is difficult to define friendship , It may be thought that it is creating such a difference in recognition. If we apply to such items as "being invited during the holidays" or "items not being bored with", friendship is rather like "matters of beauty and art" It is not whether or not profit can be gained, but it goes deep into yourself, and you say "thank you for itself".
On the other hand, the most famous article on friendship is Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People (To move people) "It is what. "Move people" is a bestseller that sold 4.3 million copies in Japan and over 15 million copies worldwide, but the three principles of "people move" and "the six principles liked by people" are itemized as items . Also, among celebritiesTaylor SwiftI succeeded by adopting "friendliness" "friendship" strategically. And social media has also succeeded in expanding by commercializing "friendship".
For these reasons, there are voices that the sense of "friendship" is changing. Professor Ronald Sharp, who teaches English at Vassar College, said: "Friends who are just doing nothing, are now" lost art. "People are crazy about maximizing the efficiency of relationships I forgot what is friendship. " It is said that Professor Sharp defines friendship as "people who spend time to understand each other and give time to make them understand."
Also, evolutionary psychologist Professor Robin I. M. Dunbar claims that "friendship of people is pyramidal". At the top of the pyramid there are one or two people who have intimate relationships on a daily basis, such as spouses or best friends, the next layer has strong empathy and familiarity and maintains weekly relationships There are about 4 people. Other people said that it is a more casual relationship with less connection. And in order to maintain relationships with the people located above the pyramid, it is necessary to have a stable relationship, and if it is not there, the friend can easily go to the "acquaintance" level of "touches with familiarity but not close" It is said to fall. "Because the time of a person is finite and a person has emotionally important parts, we can only have about five people with a strong connected relationship, many people say" More than 5 friends Although it seems to be thought that "it is not possible to say" very important friendship "for people other than the top five," Professor Dunbar said.
In the culture that "relying on people is a sign of weakness, people with power are not affected by others"SoulmateIt tends to be thought that it is a changeable one. However, Friendship originally exposes itself under the glittering self-image as posted in Facebook's profile or Instagram's feed to the opponent and takes into consideration the weakness of the opponent hold. It is friendship that you can strengthen the connection of trust despite the disadvantages, but since the act of "exposing the defects or weaknesses" is very risky, there are many people who do not put into action.
However, if you do not take risks and choose only shallow connections, and you have only empty relationships that are not both empty, the human body will be affected. Studies conducted in the past have shown that loneliness increases mortality as well as smoking, alcohol dependency, obesity, and so on.
It is deadly to become alone, it is far more harmful to be isolated socially than obesity - GIGAZINE
It is a modern age that has become easy to connect with people through the Internet,In order to relieve loneliness, it is necessary to combine face and face in real rather than onlineAlso the fact. It is very difficult to define friendship, but who makes the most of their own feelings, who enriches their feelings, who misses themselves, who I miss myself for It seems to be very important for future life to review who you are.
in Note, Posted by logq_fa