What is the psychologically correct way to find out someone's secrets?

Everyone has some secrets, such as anxiety about the future, poor academic performance, love affairs, etc. A research team at Columbia University has summarized how to find out such secrets from others.

Revealing secrets - ScienceDirect
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101425

How to Get People to Share Their Secrets With You | Psychology Today Canada
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/finding-a-new-home/202301/how-to-get-people-to-share-their-secrets-with-you

While there are benefits to revealing a secret, such as ``gaining a temporary sense of security,'' ``gaining support from loved ones,'' and ``gaining social support,'' there are also benefits to revealing a secret, such as ``gaining a temporary sense of security,'' ``gaining support from loved ones,'' and ``gaining social support.'' There are also disadvantages such as having your secrets spread, being criticized, and being embarrassed. People decide whether or not to reveal their secrets after considering these advantages and disadvantages.

After considering the advantages and disadvantages mentioned above, people reveal their secrets to people who are easy to reveal their secrets to. People who are likely to reveal secrets have characteristics such as ``showing interest in the content of the conversation by asking questions related to the conversation,'' ``being willing to help,'' ``being considerate,'' ``accepting everyone,'' and ``being considerate.'' there is. Additionally, if you receive actions such as ``showing sensitivity'' or ``providing specific support'' when you reveal your secret, you will feel a sense of increased trust with the other person, and it will be easier to share other secrets. .

When trying to find out a secret from someone, many people take the approach of ``listening in a polite manner.'' However, a ``smart attitude'' tends to give the impression that ``they are more interested in social norms and rules than in the suffering and troubles of others,'' leading to hesitation in revealing secrets. Also, passionate or cheerful people tend to give the impression that they have never experienced suffering or worries, making it difficult to reveal their secrets.

Considering the advantages and disadvantages of revealing secrets and the characteristics of ``people who are easy to reveal secrets'', being aware of the following will make it easier to get the other person's secrets out.

・Strengthen relationships of trust with others
・Be interested in what the other person is saying
・Don't be too smart or too passionate
・Promote your stance of not criticizing even if the secret is against social norms.
・Indicate that you will provide specific support if the secret is revealed.