What are the four things you shouldn't do for people who are worried?
If familiar people, such as family members or friends, have something big to worry about, they will somehow encourage you. However, even if it was a word or action that thought about the other party, there seems to be an adverse effect for those who are anxious, says clinical psychologist Jade Wu , `` I have anxiety 4 things you should n’t tell people you should n’t do. ”
4 Things Never to Say or Do When Someone Has Anxiety | Savvy Psychologist
◆ 1: Use words such as “Please relax”
For those who are worried, it is easy to say “relax” or “be calm”. For example, it seems natural to talk to a friend who has lost his job and is anxious because he cannot find the next job, saying, “I want to be calm and relaxed,” and “Let's relax for the time being.”
However, Mr. Wu pointed out that it is difficult for people who are actually worried to be relieved. People who are worried about anxiety become active in the sympathetic nervous system, and there seems to be a change of `` fight or escape or response '' that occurs when responding to stress such as fear, and the heart rate and secretion of adrenaline increase , Muscles are in tension. Mr. Wu said that fighting or escaping or reaction is designed to invalidate rational thinking, saying that it is meaningless to say `` calm down '' to those who fell into this state .
Instead, Wu recommends that you ask questions that you can answer freely, such as 'What are you worried about?' If there is an answer to the question, this time asks another question such as 'What job do you want to find next?' Repeating the questions in this way not only tells the other person that you are worried about you, but it can also help you solve problems and look at the facts to ease your anxiety.
◆ 2: Denying the other party's anxiety that they will never worry
When I ask about things that the other party is actually worried about, it often seems that it's not a big deal, sometimes 'it's not such a big deal', 'no problem, all right' 'don't worry' The words such as However, Wu points out that this word should not be applied to anxious partners.
Even if it seems that the other party's anxiety is not a big deal from the point of view of the person, the other party is actually in anxious state, and denying the feeling of anxiety itself may make the other person grumpy. That. “Remember the days when you felt that one little thing was all in the world.“ It ’s not really a big deal ” Can you convince me? ”Wu said.
Instead of denying the other party's anxiety, Wu recommends “showing empathy to the other party”. There is no need to agree with pessimistic predictions such as 'I will never be able to reunite with her' or 'My life is over'. By showing sympathy to the wind, 'I'm anxious,' you are told that you are close to your partner. It seems that it is important to recognize that the person you are worried about is not the constructive advice, but the person who hears your complaint.
◆ 3: Use words such as “I ’m worried too.”
When someone is worried, some people try to relieve their worries by telling their worries, such as “sometimes I am worried too. For example ...”. At first glance, it seems to be an effective action to talk about your own anxiety with fun and humor, and to calm the atmosphere.
However, when applying such words, it is necessary to be careful about the point that the other party tends to consider the anxiety that the other party has as small or deny if it is not worth worrying. In order to avoid inadvertently disappointing, Wu said it would be better to empathize with the other person's anxiety and behave as a “good listener”.
◆ 4: Helps to escape from anxiety
For example, a parent who has a child who is afraid of a dog would naturally want to reassure the other person that he / she is anxious, such as rushing away from the dog when he encounters a dog in the park. However, Wu points out, 'The behavior of escaping from anxiety will amplify that anxiety more.'
From a child's point of view, “the most trusted parent reacts to protect himself every time he encounters a dog” reinforces the belief that the dog is dangerous. In addition, the feeling of relief when you escape from anxiety is comfortable, and it will be easier to take action to escape from anxiety the next time you encounter an object of anxiety.
Therefore, Mr. Wu advises that if you think about the other party, “Let's become a cheering party that encourages the other party gently”. “Surely the dog is scary, but it looks like it ’s not a bad dog. Let ’s ask the owner if they can touch it.” It is possible to encourage them to overcome. You can't overcome anxiety just by running away from anxiety, and someone's gentle encouragement helps you overcome it.
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