Six tips for making friends and becoming goodbye to lonely after becoming an adult

When I was young I actively interact with many people and build many friendships, but when I become an adult, my life style changes dramatically due to employment, marriage, moving, family, etc, and I can not easily meet with my close friends There will also be more. However, becoming an adult makes it difficult to create a new friend, and it tends to be afraid of failure to build relationships.The GuardianSo, six hints for making friends since becoming adults are being introduced by clinical psychologists.

Loneliness is not inevitable - a guide to making new friends as an adult | Life and style | The Guardian
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/apr/30/how-to-make-new-friends-adult-lonely-leap-of-faith

According to a survey conducted by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) for 21 developed countries, about 14 to 17% of Japanese have spent most of their time with their friends and colleagues " There is no answer. The proportion of Japan is close to three times the average of the 21 countries, and it is the top class figure.

(PDF file) Social isolation - 37964677.pdf


Research at the University of KansasIt is reported that it takes about 50 hours to develop relationships from "acquaintance" to "friends", and it is necessary to spend more than 200 hours together to become a best friend. When you become an adult becoming an employer, getting a job, getting married and having a family, you will not be able to spend time getting to know other people when you are young, so it is quite difficult to remember the loneliness and want a friend.

Clinical psychologist Linda Blair said, "A friendship is like an onion, as the contents of the onion peeling over the layers of the onion are revealed, the relationship with friends is step by step It will become a close friend relationship by proceeding.The person can only make a special relationship with two or three people in a long life. "


However, Mr. Blair insists that "building a lot of friendships through various hobbies will make people positive, even if they can not build deep relationships that can be called as best friends", becoming an adult I also cited the following six tips to make new friends.

1. To gain confidence
To love yourself before going out to find friends is an important step to create a good relationship. "Let's think about your favorite points, when people have confidence in themselves, people shine out," Blair said.

2. Find something that feels passionate
If you like a foreign language, you should take a foreign language lesson and if you love nature, go outside and do volunteer activities. By doing so you can find encounters with friends. Mr. Blair claims that "participating in circles and classes for what I really like is a first step in finding friendship."


3. Take courage and try to reveal myself
Blair says, "Everything is a challenge." You can not make friends unless you step one step. I do not lose something because I met someone and did not get along with that person.

Four. Meet in a neutral place
Let's choose a place not related to each other, not myself or the other's house, when you have cleared the first step and meet in a different place to make friendship. By choosing a neutral place, pressure will be reduced and more time to focus on each other will increase.

Five. ask a question
If you want to be liked by your partner, ask the other party and listen to the other person's answer seriously. Good listeners are rare today. Faithfully meeting your opponent's story will be the best way to become a friend.


6. I do not expect much
It is a common mistake to think that one expects a lot of expectations. Mr. Blair prefers that it is necessary to capture things more realistically in order to build friendship with various people for various reasons.