Only one rule to protect when telling anxiety and sadness to people

byEdu Lauton

When an unimaginably sad event happens, there is a tendency for sadness to spread not only to those who have experienced direct sorrow but also to people around them, such as lovers and family. Considering the risk that sorrow spreads like the rivers of sadness and the community as a whole is tragically lost, it is very difficult to tell "Whom to tell me about what happened to yourself". Susan Silk, a clinical psychologist, advocates such "to talk about trauma and sorrow to others"Ring Theory"is.

How not to say the wrong thing - latimes
http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

Psychology offers a simple rule to consider before you tell someone your woes - Quartz
https://qz.com/1068324/psychology-offers-a-simple-rule-to-consider-before-you-tell-someone-your-woes/

In Silk 's theory, first draw a small circle and write the name of the person experiencing trauma in the center. Next, write the name of the person closest to the person who is experiencing trauma, such as a spouse, between a double circle drawing a circle slightly larger than the circle drawn earlier. Then, surround the double circle with a bigger circle, and write the names of those who are more distant from the central figure. At this time, please pay attention to where you write your name, and how much distance and relationship between you and other people.

The only rule in the ring theory is to "talk to someone who is in the circle on the outside of yourself when you exhale suffering, sadness, trauma, etc." Talking with a person inside the circle is more important than when you give a helping hand.


The point of this theory is not that "people who are away from the center of the circle have not experienced suffering", but "do not increase the burden of those who are faced with greater difficulties than theirs". Although it may sound normal, many people in the world are unconsciously broken this rule even though they are not intentional in reality.

"We all want to help people, there is no one to deliberately disapprove, people just do not understand what to say, weakness inadvertently comes out "Said Silk. For example, a mother of a child who loses his physical condition or injured is asking questions from his relatives who worried, beating a pessimistic word that would make her feel depressed beat the Ring Theory rule It is an act.

Silk, a clinical psychologist, advises the client of the ring theory in fact. A woman from a male client was undergoing cancer treatment, but initially her client, her husband, seemed to think that expressing sympathy to tell the wife "How scary you are" is to my wife. However, when Mr. Silk discussed with her husband and wife, it was clear that support is necessary for those who are in need of health, not "spiritual fear". Of course, even a client who is a husband needs a person to talk about his fear, but that is not a wife in the center of the circle, but another person on the outside is suitable.

There are also difficult parts to associate with those who do not know or ignore the ring theory. However, when my aunt or relatives talk about the problem that I am having, "I can not bring you close to you right away because I am too full of myself," and the other party talks Mr. Silk recommends telling the right people to.

byDane Deaner