What teens need from their parents is a "systematic" experience rather than "affection"

It is no doubt that love from parents and surroundings is important while children grow up to adults, but what the parents should be given by their parents equally or more than that is that the things are done Experts in youth psychology point out that it is knowledge and experience of 'systematic' explaining the meaning theoretically.

Child psychologist Lisa Damour says kids need rules more than affection from their parents - Quartz
https://qz.com/1039939/child-psychologist-lisa-damour-says-kids-need-rules-more-than-affection-from-their-parents/

That is what Mr. Lisa Damer is specializing in psychology of adolescents, especially young girls. According to Mr. Dammer who has two daughters of a teenager himself, although it is two "love" and "systematics" necessary for children to grow to a stable and happy adult, if parents stand In case it is difficult to give both as a "systematic arrangement" should be taught.

Even if parents can not teach adequately about love, their affection can be received from surrounding people, school teachers, friends' parents etc. However, there is only way to teach from parents about systematic Damar points out.

ByEL Gringo

The importance of "giving love to children" is that it is cited in mid-common sense even in childcare professional books, and there is also a part where Mr. Damar's opinion is regarded as being inconsistent with conventional common sense . If a child is raised in a strict and business-like environment, there is a possibility of becoming an adult with a lack of happiness, but on the other hand it is possible to get the know-how necessary to "function" as a single adult It is said that there is. In other words, children who grew up in a situation where severity or rules are ambiguous say that the problem is that adults become insufficient qualities necessary for adults, or become adults in a strange form.

And it can be said that the worst situation is not given "love" or "systematic setup", and in this case, there is a high risk of becoming a problematic adult due to inferior good practice, Mr. Dammer points out. Mr. Dammer says, "The child wants to be loved, wants to know the law, it is the parent's job to give it."

For that, parents need to understand both. Because it is said that children grow up looking at their parents' back, parents can only give what they own to their children. Therefore, it is important for parents to have "consistency". If both tolerance and incompatibility do exist, there will be unstable and disturbing psychology. Damar said, "When a child grows into a teenager, he feels that he or she is surrounded by an uncontrolled person who does not have control of himself, but if the parent is not an uncontrolled person That's it. "

ByFiresam!

However, it is not easy to cultivate "systematic structure", it is also related to the foundation of one's own way of thinking, so it can not be realized in a short time. Therefore, Mr. Damar cites important tips as follows when nurturing teenagers.

· Make a framework of rules for safety. Children will be better in keeping the rules when they can be convinced that it is for themselves. On the contrary, appealing to morals or persuasion that powerfully impersonates the opposite effect "Follow your father's saying!"

· Do not despair of the effect of 'apologizing'. By properly apologizing, the young man helps to know that he is respected and trust him.

· It is normal for "stress" to exist in growth, so that teenagers can grow and gain human "elasticity". Conversely, when there is no experience to fall down, or when you are always tense and constantly feeling restless, you create problems.

· It's better to give technology as late as it is late and not to bring it in your own room. Video games, SNS and the Internet attract their attention, but to hinder "sleep" necessary for health of teens. Nonetheless, the time will come to be lifted, but it is better for children to be 17 years older than when they are 13.