Why can't humans easily forget 'embarrassing memories' that suddenly revive?

There must be many people who have been so embarrassed that they want to scream while rolling around on the spot when memories of mistakes they made a long time ago or saying things they would never say again come to mind while walking. David John Halford, a clinical psychologist at Deakin University , explains why people suddenly have negative memories.

Why do I remember embarrassing things I've said or done in the past and feel ashamed all over again?
https://theconversation.com/why-do-i-remember-embarrassing-things-ive-said-or-done-in-the-past-and-feel-ashamed-all-over-again-190535

There are two types of memory: voluntary memory, which is recalled intentionally and spontaneously, and involuntary memory, which is spontaneously recalled. Voluntary memory is memory that you recall voluntarily, such as, 'What did you do at work yesterday?' Involuntary memories, on the other hand, are memories that are suddenly recalled without even trying to recall them.

Memories are stored in a network of nerve cells called 'neurons' that exist in the brain. In neurons, the physical connections between nerve cells are strengthened by overlapping the information stored in the network.

Activation of neurons containing these memories can be triggered by external stimuli such as light and sound, or by internal stimuli such as emotions and bodily sensations. And when the neurons containing these memories are activated, the associated consciousness is more likely to be awakened.

For example, walking past a bakery and smelling freshly baked bread may bring back memories of cooking a meal for a friend last weekend. You may also remember burning your toast and filling the house with smoke.

When a memory pops up, we experience an emotional response to it. Negative memories tend to have stronger emotions than positive memories. Negative memories are likely to be deeply engraved with stronger emotions because humans are more motivated to avoid bad outcomes and bad situations than to seek good things. Therefore, negative involuntary memories tend to become negative memories.

Involuntary memories evoke poignant sadness, anxiety, and even embarrassment. For example, embarrassing memories are more likely to indicate that you did something offensive or negative to others, or that you violated social norms in some way.

And when memories are associated with moods, there is also a ``mood coincidence memory'' that is recalled when the current mood matches. For example, when we feel sad, we are more likely to recall memories of past times when we were disappointed or lost something. According to Halford, people with mental illness such as depression often have many memories that evoke negative emotions, and these feelings of sadness and embarrassment are more likely to be perceived as strong facts for themselves. About.

In addition, there is also a “memory rumination” that repeatedly recalls past negative experiences and how you felt about them. This is one of the ways to learn from past mistakes and solve problems so that you don't repeat the same experience, but it also leads to experiencing negative emotions over and over again. Not only that, but memories in neural networks are more likely to be connected to other information and unconsciously recalled.

Halford says that a process called 'reconsolidation' is effective if you want to manage the negative emotions evoked by memories.

Re-fixation means to change the memory so that the next time it evokes a different emotion. For example, if you feel 'sad' every time you remember 'when you didn't do well in a test or interview and became anxious', look back on that memory, remember the details well, and correct your memory while saying ' By giving a positive evaluation that it was difficult but challenged, it will be easier to evoke positive emotions when you remember it next time.

Also, when rumination is happening, if you try to divert your attention to something else, such as doing something else with your hands, or focusing on the sights and sounds around you, you can help rumination. It seems that the thought circuit that is causing is cut.

“Through the process of rewriting experiences in rational and self-compassionate ways, we can reduce their importance in our lives and self-concept, and improve our well-being,” says Halford. It's a little reminder of the experience, but remember we don't have to be stuck in the past.'