What is better to say 'thank you' to your partner?

Gratitude to your loved ones is important for a long-lasting relationship. However, research has shown that there are 'expressions that maximize the effect of gratitude' and 'expressions that are not very effective' in terms of expressing gratitude.

How can I thank you? Highlighting the benefactor's responsiveness or costs when expressing gratitude --Yoobin Park, Mariko L. Visserman, Natalie M. Sisson, Bonnie M. Le, Jennifer E. Stellar, Emily A. Impett, 2020

It is well known that showing gratitude plays an important role in building social bonds, but 'How can we express gratitude to maximize its effectiveness?' Has hardly been studied. Therefore, a research team led by Yoobin Park, who studies psychology at the University of Toronto, Canada, conducted a survey of 111 couples, who are 27 years old on average, about 'words of gratitude.'

During the survey, the couple talked in a particularly grateful way about the kindness and great concern they received. In parallel with this, we conducted a sampling-type survey in which each couple answered a questionnaire about 'how they felt each other's gratitude' in their 14-day life. An observer-type survey was also conducted in which a third party was asked to watch a video of a couple's conversation, and the third party evaluated the 'positive effect of gratitude.'

In assessing the effectiveness of gratitude, the research team described the method of gratitude as 'responsiveness-highlighting', which conveys that the other person's concerns responded to their needs, and how difficult the other person's kindness was. We classified them into two types, 'cost-highlighting', and compared the effects of the appreciation methods.

As a result, in both the sampling method and the observer method, the 'responsiveness emphasis' appreciation method was found to be related to the positive feelings of the partner, while the 'cost emphasis' appreciation method was effective. It was not possible.

For example, suppose one day your partner drives you to work. At this time, telling how much I was saved, saying, 'If I hadn't sent it directly to the office, I would have been late for an important meeting,' was the positive effect of this survey. It is a way of gratitude for 'emphasis'. On the other hand, it seems that the positive effect could not be confirmed by the 'cost emphasis' appreciation method, which acknowledges the hardships of the other party as 'It was a rush hour, so it was difficult to send by car'.

'Our research does not show that it is worthless to approve of the hardships of the other person,' Park et al. Emphasize in a paper on this result. On top of that, the research team suggested that'emphasizing how well the partner met their needs'is important for gaining gratitude and also for improving the well-being of the couple. It has been done. '